There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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