Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
