Have you finally orgasmed yet?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
