they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
