you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
