Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
