You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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