Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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