i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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