I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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