ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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