I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
that may or may not have been my penis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize