I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
