Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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