Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
