So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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