forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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