You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
