Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
