I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need a beard to bite.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
