so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
