Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
