I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
