it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
