Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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