I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
