Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
