So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
