I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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