you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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