I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
