Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
