is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
