I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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