It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
