My Higher Power is John Stamos
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
