He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize