you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
