you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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