You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
