ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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