Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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