Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
