I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
