Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
