So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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