i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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