Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
