did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
