Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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