He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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