I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
