well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
