Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
