May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
