We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize