Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
