Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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