the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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