Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
