What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
