i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize