idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
even my farts smell like vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
