They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
