I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
