My hand turned me down
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
