i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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